1 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:09,050 How many more for the record? 2 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,010 Two more tubs should do it. 3 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,975 There really isn't a category for eating jalapenos, 4 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,977 but I think he's probably suffered enough. 5 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,645 I'm going to tell him in a minute. 6 00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:26,067 I'm so close to telling him, honest. 7 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,781 Ninty-seven... 8 00:00:30,823 --> 00:00:33,074 Really, I'm going to tell him. 9 00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:38,747 ♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪ 10 00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,958 ♪ I don't know ♪ 11 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,085 ♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪ 12 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,338 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 13 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,883 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 14 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:51,134 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 15 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,136 ♪ And you're not so big ♪ 16 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,764 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 17 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,766 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 18 00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:00,185 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 19 00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:03,146 ♪ And you're not so big ♪ 20 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:06,775 ♪ Life is unfair. ♪ 21 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:15,910 Mom, Dad, can we drive out to the country this Saturday 22 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,285 to see the meteor shower? 23 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:20,039 We only have to go, like, 25 miles to get a good view. 24 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,122 It starts around 2:00 a.m. 25 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,751 How's that again, son? 26 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:24,835 The meteor shower. 27 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:26,127 They say it's going 28 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,212 to be the best one in a hundred years. 29 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,214 Sounds science-y. 30 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,382 No, thanks. 31 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,133 Come on, Reese, a meteor shower. 32 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,719 Fireballs zooming around the air, 33 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,846 smashing into the ground right in front of you. 34 00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:37,806 That's not what happens. 35 00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,307 Can we ride one? 36 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,142 No! It's 60 miles up, 37 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,144 but it's beautiful and interesting anyway! 38 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,773 Look, if Malcolm needs to do this for some school assignment, 39 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,024 then we're going to do it. 40 00:01:47,066 --> 00:01:47,858 It's not for school. 41 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,026 Then forget it. 42 00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:50,444 We're not getting up at 2:00 a.m. 43 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,946 just to look at stars. 44 00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,948 Bran cereal? 45 00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,323 Why are you eating that stuff? 46 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,158 You said it tastes like kitty litter. 47 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,160 I'm eating it because I have to stop 48 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,454 gaining weight. 49 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,164 I've turned into a gigantic, fat cow. 50 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,165 Oh, you have not. 51 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,250 Even the doctor said so. 52 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,585 Oh, that's ridiculous. 53 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,045 You're eating for two now. 54 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,171 What kind of doctor doesn't know that? 55 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,172 Hal, he's right. 56 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,549 I'm huge! 57 00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,176 And I don't understand how it's happening. 58 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,055 Well, I think you're beautiful no matter what. 59 00:02:18,097 --> 00:02:21,182 Oh, thank you, honey. You're so sweet. 60 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,477 Oh... 61 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,566 Anything I want to do, they don't understand. 62 00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:32,193 And if they do understand, they just make fun of it. 63 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,362 But why should I expect them to be any different 64 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,781 than the rest of the world? 65 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,616 Let's face it-- everyone on this planet 66 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,618 is a brain-dead, butt-scratching half-wit. 67 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,787 Bite... us. 68 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:45,457 How could you possibly think that the Nimzovich defense 69 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,708 would work against me? 70 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,251 You tried it two games ago, 71 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,004 and I slaughtered you. 72 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:53,256 You tried it four games ago, and I slaughtered you. 73 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:56,718 Seriously, how do you find your way home at night? 74 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,055 What...? Where-where you going? What? 75 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,223 Oh, okay! 76 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,725 Who wants to play? 77 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,226 Eddie, come on. I'll tell you what. 78 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,937 I'll hit myself in the head with a rock. 79 00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:07,938 I'll even it out. 80 00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,064 No? 81 00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,315 Chubbo? 82 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,943 You can eat with one hand, play with the other. 83 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:14,611 Oh, I can't believe this. 84 00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:17,031 You're all cowards. 85 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:19,240 Hey, funny-looking kid, 86 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,242 you want to learn how to play chess? 87 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,243 No, thanks. 88 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,244 Come on. 89 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:24,913 Look, it's not that hard. 90 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,248 See, this one looks like a pretty little horsey. 91 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,625 I know what a knight is. 92 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,418 I also know how to counter a Nimzovich defense 93 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,629 without leaving my queen's bishop wide open. 94 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,548 Your whole left flank was Swiss cheese. 95 00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:37,051 Hey, junior champion. 96 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,259 Read your Kasparov. 97 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,679 The second you go after my bishop, 98 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:44,183 you can kiss your rook and two pawns bye-bye! 99 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,642 Oh, okay, I get it. 100 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,686 You're scared to play me! 101 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,772 Yeah, I'm really scared of some troll in the park 102 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,107 beating me at chess. 103 00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:53,567 Evidently, you are! 104 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,527 Now you're confusing fear 105 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,154 with pity. 106 00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:59,447 Fear triggers a fight or flight response 107 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,908 while pity allows me 108 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,326 to turn my back and walk away with a sadness 109 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,327 for your misery! 110 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:07,288 I would've kicked your ass. 111 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,290 All right, that's it. 112 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,002 Couldn't see... that coming. 113 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,184 It's so nice to have the kids out of the... 114 00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,727 Dewey! 115 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:29,895 What are you doing?! 116 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,563 Painting the wall. 117 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,314 What is the matter with you? 118 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,358 Why on earth would you do this? 119 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,318 The baby told me to. 120 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,570 The ba...? 121 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,321 What, this baby? 122 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,990 It chose the color, too. 123 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,992 I would have gone with more of an earth tone. 124 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,620 Look... 125 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:50,373 Listen, son, I know you're worried about the baby coming, 126 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,584 but you don't have to be. 127 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,545 Yes, you're not going to be the youngest anymore, 128 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:58,840 and it is true the baby will get all of our attention 129 00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:02,343 for quite a while, and you will have to do a lot more work 130 00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,429 around the house, and probably have to share the bathroom... 131 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,347 What your father's trying to say is, 132 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,600 there is no reason for you to be acting out like this. 133 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,602 Now get this mess cleaned up. 134 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,147 And the baby is not talking to you. 135 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,315 It said you'd say that. 136 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,322 Draw. 137 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,244 Draw? 138 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,666 Draw. 139 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:34,876 Draw. 140 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,461 One more. 141 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,213 No! 142 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,381 It's been four hours! 143 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,550 All right, all right. God. 144 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:46,387 Who designed these damn cement benches anyway? 145 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,848 Probably some stupid civil servant 146 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:50,184 never made it through design class. 147 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,393 Now he takes his frustrations out 148 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,271 on the asses of the general public. 149 00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:55,856 What the hell is with that guy? 150 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,316 He is so annoying. 151 00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:59,400 First it's too warm, then it's too cool, 152 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,402 then the pigeons are walking funny. 153 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,696 He didn't shut up for one second. 154 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,405 I mean, give it a try, stop complaining. 155 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:05,991 No, you want to know the worst thing about him? 156 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,534 He kept picking at his... 157 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,788 Four-nine-seven- three-six-seven... 158 00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,081 Stop doing that. 159 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,415 Sorry. 160 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,917 I'll be back in a couple of hours. 161 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:16,835 Wait. Where you going? 162 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,003 I told you, I'm posing 163 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,338 in Otto's art class tonight. 164 00:06:19,378 --> 00:06:21,422 Posing? As in naked? 165 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,091 Yes. We had this conversation. 166 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,509 No, we haven't. 167 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,678 I remember conversations with the word "naked" in them. 168 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,429 You can't strip in front of Otto. 169 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,308 I'm not spinning my tassels on a runway, Francis. 170 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,893 I'm modeling at an art class. 171 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,102 It's a job. 172 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,436 They pay $250. 173 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:36,479 Piama, 174 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:37,480 I want to make sure 175 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,648 I have the right pastels. 176 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:39,900 What color are your nipples? 177 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,109 It's all very tasteful, 178 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,443 which is beside the point, 179 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,445 because, guess what, it's my body, 180 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,447 so you can't tell me what to do with it. 181 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,741 If you're not mature enough 182 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,409 to handle this, then that's your problem. 183 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:54,413 $250?! 184 00:06:56,499 --> 00:07:00,461 Everything I knew about beauty was a lie. 185 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,715 So this morning, Dewey tried to go to school in his underwear 186 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,467 because apparently the baby doesn't like his wardrobe. 187 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,469 The kid is driving me up the wall, 188 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,264 and I keep gaining weight like crazy. 189 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:11,848 More than a pound a day. 190 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,725 Nobody gains a pound a day. 191 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,643 It doesn't make any sense. 192 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,770 Ah, I know, honey. 193 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,188 It is baffling, 194 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,899 but look, you've just got to stop obsessing 195 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,483 about this weight thing. 196 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:23,568 Let me pour you some juice. 197 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,778 I don't want any juice, Hal. 198 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,487 I know what's going on. 199 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,698 You do? Of course I do. 200 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:29,741 I'm not an idiot. 201 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,909 I-I'm sorry. It's just... 202 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,493 It's because I'm not working. 203 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,578 Huh? 204 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,996 It's obvious, Hal. 205 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,082 I'm not getting the exercise I got 206 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,541 with the other pregnancies. 207 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:39,793 With the other kids, 208 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,669 I was on my feet all day. 209 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,131 Th-That makes perfect sense. 210 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,465 Celery stick? 211 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,177 My system must be so screwed up. 212 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:52,055 This celery tastes exactly like bacon. 213 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,515 Honey, listen to me. 214 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,936 Don't make yourself crazy over a few pounds. 215 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:01,481 You look amazing to me. 216 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:12,367 No matter how big and round 217 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,411 and jiggly you get. 218 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:21,793 Hello. 219 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,253 Hi, Mom. 220 00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,213 Tell the baby I got the stupid pail of sand, 221 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,424 but now the buses have stopped running 222 00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:28,549 so I can't get home. 223 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,551 Dewey?! Where are you?! 224 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,970 I don't know exactly. 225 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,596 Somewhere down by the pier. 226 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:34,722 You're at the pier?! 227 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:35,723 Where? 228 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:36,808 Dewey, listen to me. 229 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,059 You stay right where you are. 230 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,478 We're coming to get you right now. 231 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,272 Okay, but bring another pair of socks. 232 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,274 I stepped in fish guts. Ew. 233 00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:45,775 What is wrong with that kid? 234 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,444 I'm really getting worried. 235 00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:48,987 Let's just stay calm. 236 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,072 We'll get in the car, go pick up some doughnuts, 237 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,533 and we'll figure this out on the way. 238 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,912 Another draw? 239 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:05,379 Hey, Casey Kasem, why don't you do everybody a favor 240 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,963 and turn that crap down? 241 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:07,964 It's not loud. 242 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,799 I didn't say it was loud. 243 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,551 I said it was crap. 244 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:15,596 So, uh, is this all you do every day? 245 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,640 Just hang out in the park 246 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:20,477 and play chess with strangers? 247 00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:23,230 No. 248 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:27,067 I also enjoy long walks on the beach and bubble baths. 249 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:31,196 Of course, I'd have to say my greatest turn-on is honesty. 250 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,614 So basically, the only human contact you have 251 00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:36,617 is playing chess with people who can't stand you? 252 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:40,455 I hate to burst your little after-school-special bubble, 253 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,499 but I'm not some kind of loser. 254 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:43,875 I have a perfect life. 255 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,711 I have a great job selling toner over the phone. 256 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,297 I make a few calls-- bing, bang, bing, it's 10:00. 257 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,132 I've got the rest of the day to myself. 258 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:53,051 You can't possibly make enough money doing that. 259 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,720 I thought you were a little smarter than that, Malcolm. 260 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,557 It's not about money. It's about freedom. 261 00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,849 I am my own man. 262 00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:02,643 I do what I want, when I want. 263 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:06,565 I don't answer to anyone for anything, ever. 264 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,025 Where's my 20 bucks, Leonard? 265 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,818 You said you'd have it on Monday. 266 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,362 Yeah, I have it, It's right here. 267 00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,114 I... you know, I was... I was looking for you. 268 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,949 You know, I couldn't find you, 269 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,700 and then I had some important business meetings 270 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:21,580 that I had to get to, but here... 13, 14... 271 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,830 Um, uh, you take 272 00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:24,332 cigarettes, right? 273 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,666 I quit. 274 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:26,667 Oh, good for you. 275 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:27,919 That's so good because, you know, 276 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,504 these things will kill you slow. 277 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,922 Th-That's the truth, you know, and... 278 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,673 and the cost is... 279 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,178 Give him six bucks! 280 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,102 Take it easy, George. 281 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,898 What a dumbass! 282 00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,700 Well, I'm afraid time's up, everyone, 283 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:02,579 but once again, let's thank our models 284 00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,039 for their hard work. 285 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,337 Thank you. 286 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,713 I'm just glad I had this opportunity 287 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,382 to give something back. 288 00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,134 You were just wonderful, as always. 289 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,718 Well, that's what I do. 290 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,220 Oh, and Piama did well, too, don't you think? 291 00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:22,807 Francis, you have inspired me to new heights. 292 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,351 See how I have captured 293 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,353 the confident power of your torso, 294 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,313 the sheer arrogance of your ass. 295 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,523 Francis, 296 00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:30,815 come on, let's go. 297 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,984 I'm talking to people here, if you don't mind. 298 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,614 Sadly, someone's doing this with his soul, 299 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,241 and somebody isn't. 300 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,537 Hi, Mom. 301 00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,539 Hi, Dewey. 302 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,545 You get in that house right now, mister! 303 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:53,796 The baby did not tell you to drive the car! 304 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,756 Well, it didn't exactly use the word "car." 305 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,176 It called it a "go machine," but that's what it meant. 306 00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,760 What's this? 307 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,596 Somebody had a birthday at the office, 308 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,640 and nobody ate it because it's "fat-free." 309 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,766 How come it doesn't say "happy birthday" or anything? 310 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,769 Well, you know, office politics, but you wouldn't believe 311 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,398 how PC some of these jerks can get. 312 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,025 ♪ ♪ 313 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,632 ♪ ♪ 314 00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,809 Look at this. 315 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,270 I'm looking. 316 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:52,980 You're really improving, Rubio. 317 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,815 You've stopped making the "vroom" noises 318 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,234 when you move your pieces. 319 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,444 Hey, Leonard. 320 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,112 Oh, you got to see this. 321 00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:03,199 Physically hurts, doesn't it? 322 00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,034 Listen, I was talking to this guy I know. 323 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,411 I got you a job interview. 324 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,204 What the hell are you talking about? 325 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:09,914 You are a miserable person. 326 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,709 You barely have a job, and you're completely dysfunctional 327 00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,835 when it comes to communicating with people. 328 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,254 And that's my fault? 329 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,839 It's not everyone else in the world? 330 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,467 It doesn't have to be like that. 331 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,843 If you have a job where you're around people, 332 00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:26,055 you can get used to each other and maybe turn things around. 333 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,848 Forget it. I'm not wasting my time 334 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,017 on some stupid job interview because you have 335 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,853 some desperate need to save yourself through me. 336 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,231 Why don't you invest some of that neurotic energy 337 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,317 in confronting your own fear of failure? 338 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:40,737 Oh, goodness, the clouds have parted, 339 00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,863 and I can now commit to a new life, 340 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:46,326 thanks to your Oprah-esque psychological insights. 341 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,911 And now you're trying to invalidate the real issue 342 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:51,247 by dancing around it with what you think 343 00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:52,624 is clever wordplay. 344 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,252 Screw this. 345 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,879 I'll play you for it. 346 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,674 Why bother? We draw every game. 347 00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:01,882 Not this time. Fine. 348 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,343 But if you don't win, 349 00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:04,927 you never bring this crap up again. 350 00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,179 You're on. 351 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,901 Where's my money, Leonard? 352 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:24,905 George, uh, I got it, uh, just the other... 353 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,868 Run! 354 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,790 So, how much does this job pay? 355 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,417 What are you doing? 356 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,753 Can you hold these for a second? 357 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,129 Sure. 358 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,553 What's this for, anyway? 359 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,887 You'll see. 360 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,226 Are you crazy? 361 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,644 It wasn't my idea. 362 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,187 The baby told me to. 363 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,231 Wait a minute-- Mom's baby? 364 00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,941 You think Mom's baby talks to you? 365 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,402 Yes! 366 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,362 It's telling me to do all these crazy things. 367 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,823 Let me give you a little advice. 368 00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,783 You've got to ignore the voices. 369 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,578 They are not on your side, and you never tell 370 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,954 anyone about them-- especially your teachers. 371 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,665 They get panicky for no reason. 372 00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:16,750 You understand? 373 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,752 I think so. Attaboy. 374 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,045 You're going to be okay. 375 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,633 This is a terrible idea. 376 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,385 No, this is just what you need. 377 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,220 Remember? A job, people, a life. 378 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,555 But why here? 379 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,223 Because this is the only guy I know 380 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,974 that would trade a job interview 381 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,602 for a Hong Kong Fooey lunch box. 382 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,729 Greetings, Earthlings. 383 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:41,190 You've got to be kidding me. 384 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,192 Trust me, I know it's going to be hard, 385 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,361 but if you can just keep your mouth shut 386 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,988 for five minutes with this guy, you're home free. 387 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,990 I'm waiting, princess. 388 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,792 My résumé. 389 00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,001 Forget this. 390 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:04,004 You can't learn anything from a résumé. 391 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,966 So, tell me about your employment history. 392 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,011 Well, I... 393 00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:14,641 Interesting. You know, I like to think of Lucky Aide 394 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:17,393 as a kind of family, and in this family, 395 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:18,853 I'd be your father, 396 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,271 and as a father, 397 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,689 there might be things 398 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,650 I might ask of you that don't make sense, 399 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:26,277 but you do it because I'm your father. 400 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,029 No sassing back, just do it. 401 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,281 Understand? 402 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,035 Think so. 403 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,036 Now, 404 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,247 who are you in this family? 405 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,041 Are you the second cousin? 406 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,544 Or maybe the kooky aunt? 407 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:51,469 Well, you know, I've always kind of seen myself 408 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:55,222 in the role of the younger brother-- 409 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,975 eager to learn. 410 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,268 I never had a brother. 411 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,231 Well, I'm here. 412 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:07,067 We can get started in a moment. 413 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,529 Francis, I-I didn't call you. 414 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,947 Yes, I noticed. 415 00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:13,658 I can't do your job and mine, Gloria. 416 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,576 What? There's no Camembert? 417 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,078 You expect me to have my wine without any Camembert? 418 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,080 That ruins my entire aesthetic! 419 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,000 Francis... Forget it. 420 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,043 I'll work without cheese. 421 00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,087 Who is this? 422 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,757 That's Jeremy, our model for the evening. 423 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,091 That's why I didn't call you. 424 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,677 Francis, 425 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,596 we have already sketched your fabulous haunches, 426 00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:38,098 and now it is time for us to examine 427 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:42,102 the interplay of light and shadow on Jeremy's love handles. 428 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,187 That's it? 429 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,814 That's how it ends? 430 00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:48,568 You just casually discard me like yesterday's fish? 431 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,487 After you've sucked out the essence of my soul? 432 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,155 Francis, please, try to understand. 433 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,115 No, I don't understand! 434 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:58,411 I let you see every color in the spectrum of my being, 435 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,120 and you have rejected it! 436 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:03,123 Someday, you'll realize what you turned your back on, 437 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,709 and you will curse yourself 438 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,336 for your banality and your shortsightedness, 439 00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:10,840 but by then it will be too late because I will be gone! 440 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,635 Yes, gone! 441 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:24,103 Um... can I have my robe? 442 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,026 Craig's been yammering nonstop for almost an hour. 443 00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,319 He even made Leonard follow him into the bathroom, 444 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,654 but Leonard's tough. 445 00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:37,992 Now, let's talk about respect-- 446 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:41,245 not self-respect but respect for one's superiors. 447 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,205 Now I remember a time... think quick! 448 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:45,165 That's just a little 449 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,167 management test I came up with 450 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,962 to see whether you're the type of person 451 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:52,172 who confronts problems head-on or avoids them. 452 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,133 Which one were you? 453 00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,178 Both. 454 00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,597 Good. 455 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:13,486 And I see that you have no spine. 456 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,195 Welcome aboard. 457 00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:16,572 Come back in an hour, 458 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,492 and we'll get you a trainee vest and a name tag. 459 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,870 Congratulations. I knew you could do it. 460 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,831 Oh, my God, that guy is an idiot. 461 00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:27,207 You only had to do an interview with him. 462 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,376 Trying having dinner with that jackass 463 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:30,837 and his stupid cat. 464 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,213 The cat can't be any stupider than this guy. 465 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,508 This moron just tried to use a Barbie doll 466 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,718 to explain the hygiene procedures. 467 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,262 Brother, huh? 468 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:43,182 I think I'll stay an only child, thank you. 469 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,321 Mom! Dad! 470 00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,448 Dewey! 471 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:05,454 Oh, right. 472 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,543 I have had it with you, Dewey. 473 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,462 I have enough on my mind without having to deal with this! 474 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:14,630 But the baby says... 475 00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:15,756 Listen to me. 476 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,257 That baby is not talking to you. 477 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,552 Honey, just try to calm down, okay? 478 00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,054 I'll make you some tea. 479 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,262 You have to stop using this 480 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,764 as an excuse to get attention, 481 00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:25,307 because it is not going to work! 482 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,267 Now, I don't want to hear another word 483 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:29,311 about you talking to that baby, understand? 484 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:30,938 The baby says to turn around. 485 00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,148 What? 486 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,905 Hal. 487 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:41,615 Well, you don't take yours with maple syrup? 488 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,785 Craig was pretty upset. 489 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:48,288 He wouldn't come out of the photo booth for two hours. 490 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,083 Where's Leonard? 491 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:51,792 Has anyone seen Leonard? 492 00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:54,378 He told me to give this to you. 493 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:58,340 "Malcolm, I moved away, 494 00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,884 "but I want to thank you 495 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,510 "for confirming everything I said 496 00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:03,345 "about people being giant jackasses. 497 00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:04,805 "One day you'll understand. 498 00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:08,392 People like us will never belong." 499 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,978 What does he mean, "people like us"? 500 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:17,526 What? I hate when you do that. 501 00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:19,319 If you have something to say, just say it. 502 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:20,279 That is so annoying.